The inner self

The mind chooses to obfuscate
What was once simple and had little thought, is now complex with emotional rendering.

Sweat drips from the brow.
Mouth is dry and eyes look down.
Am I able to start this, am I able to finish it.

Then the whistle is blown, its your turn. Its earlier than it should have been.
Sometimes that is good, the mind is still trying to catch up, to convince the fear to come forward.

It starts.
The crowd is engaged. The confidence builds, the voice commands - and just as quickly as it began it is over.

What am I feeling?

Years have passed.

The tides have changed so many times, the surface of the land should be different.
The door opens and you walk in.

There is a locked place in my heart, locked and so dark. Never to be opened again.
Yet with one look of your eyes, the chamber cracks and those emotions are let free.

Have I brought this upon myself, is this pain chosen by me.

A discussion, a laugh, that smile.
The clock stares and stipulates.
Then intercedes.

Alone again now, but feeling broken. Again.

Your power of indifference

What does it mean, to say nothing at all?

To not respond or acknowledge.

Do you know how it feels. The waiting, the wondering, the questioning a decision.

Do you know your power of indifference?

And now nothing

I give you so many signs, and slight words -
I see your gaze, your smile. I've known that before.

I lean into the moment, and give a bit of a stronger sign - is that a mistake?
No response.

No response. I don't want to have to ask.

Have I read all of these signs completely wrong. Maybe so, I hold my breath and stare at the screen.
And now nothing.

A moment

What would I say, if you and I were alone.
and your concentration was fixated only on my words.

Would it be something profound? no, or would I stumble.

Somehow your eyes send a light to me, the corner of your mouth whent it slightly smiles.
What is it that this is?
Love? But why now.

I close my eyes and sometimes see your face, and many times in the silence of my day wish I could hear your laughter.
If only for a moment.

Here i am: Shaken

Here i am: Shaken: The movement, the linguistic way that you push the words forward. I didn't expect. Why does my heart lean forward, before my mind. Co...

Shaken

The movement, the linguistic way that you push the words forward.
I didn't expect.

Why does my heart lean forward, before my mind. Concerned.

If I know you will be there, then I am happier to go.
If I know I can hear you, I am at ease.

When I close my eyes, I can see your smile.
That is what I would hold to myself.

Shade Ivy

The progression was simple, just a stem and a spur
Yet under the shade, where most would wither it grew.

It became complex, aware, all time consuming.

Together they waited, patience growing thin as the ivy continued to grow.
Can it be stopped?
Is it sun that is needed, to bleed away the shade. Or can it only be time.
They continue to stare at the clock, trying to hide their frustration.

Broken Writings

I have found myself

In the broken writings of this broken man.

I've been sent to a  new place, where the walls are closing in.

For me, they feel too close.

I can hardly breathe.